It is common that there are family conflicts or family relationship difficulties. How to solve family problems? In this article, we outline 10 tips for managing family tensions.
We are born in a family (small or enlarged). Every man has a family. We know the little family of father, mother, and children. We also know the extended family composed of all family members by direct or indirect links. Parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters … – whether they are large or single-parent families are at the heart of everyone’s life. And if one does not choose one’s ancestors, one has to live with it.
Tips on How to Solve Family Problems
Tip 1: Do Not Expect Things to Look like You Want
“If we live in the idea that life is first of all pleasure, denying the painful moments, we will find ourselves stuck in a circle of suffering. We will say to ourselves: “All is well for the other members of the family. If I can fix things, I will avoid those painful moments. “But it’s a myth to believe that you can fix everything yourself so that things always go in our direction. ”
Life has realities. Relationships between family members can experience changes, disruptions … Generally, everyone wants peace, understanding, harmony, sharing and many other values in their family. But situations or events can occur and this can affect family relationships by creating tension. However, do not expect things to look the way you want!
Tip 2: Stop Trying to Control Everything
“Be open and receptive to all situations by observing them before wanting to control them. Some will escape us, we must let them happen without intervening, this is the way to be happier, more balanced and more compassionate. Because it is necessary that you note it, one does not control anything. “
Do not think that you can control everything in your family. You are not the only one who know how to solve family problems. Every man is unique. Every man has his principles, his personality, his vision, his qualities, and his weaknesses. Never lose sight of each man’s realities and aspirations so as not to amplify tensions within your family, stop trying to control everything; rather opt for “democracy”: it says everyone has their say and together try to manage things. […]
Tip 3: Reformulate Negative Thoughts into Opportunities to Seize
“Deception, irritation, embarrassment, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear tell us that something is stuck in us. Often we are tempted to collapse or backtrack. Yet these emotions act as messengers: by showing us clearly where it gets stuck, they offer us the opportunity to take over. Let’s hear them. ”
Be careful not to harbor hate, grudge, scorn for every member of your family. because it will never help to create a pleasant atmosphere of social cohesion, let alone foster your family relationships.
Tip 4: Feel and Manage Your Emotions
“We are not very tolerant with our negative emotions. We do everything to escape them, whereas to listen to them is to receive precious teaching about oneself. Concentrate on unpleasant physical sensations, tension in the solar plexus, heart, throat … Then repeat: “Millions of people around the world suffer from this discomfort, this fear (needless to detail more) from this refusal that things look like that. That’s how I relate to humanity. “It’s not a question of trying to analyze, but simply connecting to the idea that this moment is a shared experience around the world. ”
Be master of your emotions. Reassure yourself to always bring love, affection, sympathy, consideration for every member of your family. Did you not know that emotions have a very important place in relationship management, as well as to calm tensions…?
Tip 5: Stop Blaming Others
We usually erect a barrier, called “reproach “, which prevents us from communicating with others. Then we reinforce it with our arguments: who is right, who is wrong. We do this with our loved ones, with political systems, with everything we do not like in society. In wanting to others is a very widespread system, very old, very developed, set up to allow to “feel better”. It is a way of protecting one’s heart, which is fragile and tender in us. Rather than appropriating this pain, we manage to shelter ourselves. ”
However, I have always understood this: “The real problem of hatred between men is because they do not understand each other. (Thomson Dablemond) We lose more when we do not stop blaming others. Revenge has never been useful for the guilty, nor for the victim, nor for humanity in general.
Tip 6: Feel Gratitude for Everyone
“If we were to list people we do not like – because we find them heavy, threatening or worthy of our scorn – we would learn a lot about ourselves. “To feel gratitude to everyone” is a way of making peace with aspects of us that we have rejected. ”
If you feel grateful for each member of your family, you would be contributing to the balance and even the well-being of your family relationships. Gratitude is one of the best ways how to solve family problems.
Tip 7: Appropriate Your Dark Side
“Compassion is not a relationship between the offender and the offended; it is a relationship between two equals. It is when we recognize our own obscure part, and only then, that we can represent that of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our common humanity. We are all capable of becoming extremists because we become addicted to the faults of others. ”
One tip: do not be wise in your own eyes, learn to understand others, and never try to judge others. Do not forget that no one is perfect, no human being! Instead of looking at the flaws of others, please look rather at their qualities. Love, accept and understand as they are.
Tip 8: Cutting Bridges Is Not the Solution
When the situation affects you too much, the temptation is great to isolate yourself. By refusing to see some people, you will experience some relief, can “recover energy and mental space”, … But it does not mean that you will feel soothed. The pain caused by conflicting relationships with close family members can be healed in therapy.
“Cut bridges, it’s violent and always causes suffering” … You stay anyway in connection with the family problem. You are not free but on the run. It’s better to do some work on yourself to understand that your parents did what they could and become independent. ”
You can step back but not the final distance. And then, go to a balanced relationship! Cutting bridges are not the best ways how to solve family problems.
Tip 9: Towards a Balanced Relationship
Free yourself from their lack and those of each member of the family, to take care of you. You will not be able to change them! Accept that past that still makes you suffer and direct your eyes to what you have received from positive, what is still beneficial in your relationship. It will be easier to evaluate the time you want to share with them.
To modify the system in place, express your needs in agreement with those of others, in the benevolence. “I must respect the otherness of my family members if I want my own otherness to be respected.”
Tip 10: Please to Serenity in the Family
Sharing what concerns you with your loved ones is quite natural. Again, family and home is a safe haven. But the way you express yourself with your husband, your children, your family, in general, can be fraught with consequences. Exchanging in stressful situations can be done without necessarily relieving one’s tensions…
Communicate and ensure serenity, calm in the family. Sometimes you may experience stress or mood swings, but do not let them negatively affect your family relationships. Avoid spilling the effects of your stress and mood on other members of your family.
As a Conclusion on How to Solve Family Problems
Tensions in your families, you’ll get some. But as they say in Africa: “Dirty clothes wash with family.” No matter what happens in your family, always be ready to make sacrifices for love, union, fraternity, understanding at home. within your family. Your family relationships must prevail! The family is sacred, and cannot be bought!