Is love an addiction? If you are emotionally dependent then you will find in this article the essential resources to guide you in overcoming your doubts. The goal is to blossom in Love.
We will see together the main points and more particularly the different causes of this addiction to the other, as well as the keys to better manage your emotions and finally how you can fight it on a daily basis. Note that this article is taken from the guide titled how to overcome emotional dependence as quickly as possible by Alexandre Cormont.
You tend to attach yourself much too fast and you multiply false starts? Do you have fits of jealousy or are possessive/possessive what tends to stifle your other half? Would you like to live a stable romance?
Affective addiction is one of the main scourges of love life, as it affects couples as well as people who have broken up, but also – and this is more surprising – singles.
The damage it causes is considerable for both parts of the relationship: those who suffer from it and those who suffer from it.
I – Definition and Explanations of Emotional Dependence
1 – What Is Emotional Dependence?
It is essential to define it as this concept can have different facets and especially different stages. Voluntarily, we chose to divide it into 3 categories because the dependence is different depending on whether you are in a relationship, single or after a breakup.
*** Emotional dependence as a couple
Dependence on a person and more specifically on the partner in love is a state of stress that combines jealousy, possessiveness and the need for the other’s presence.
Sufferers are constantly in doubt about their feelings and ask for proof of love as soon as they can.
In the most extreme cases, there is also an impossibility to be separated from the loved one even a few minutes. Is love addiction in such a case? Probably yes.
Suddenly the crises are numerous because there is a form of grip on the other with constant prohibitions like those of seeing the family, going out with friends, spending time with colleagues after work …
This complicates even banal outings such as going for bread or shopping. We are talking here about emotional over-dependence.
It is the feeling of abandonment which arises and which leads to behaving in this way. At any moment the emotional dependent person is on the alert for fear of losing his soul mate.
We get too much in demand, we put his partner on a pedestal, we tend to lock ourselves in the relationship, which causes misunderstandings. It is then that crises break out and cause what we feared the most: a separation.
*** Emotional dependence after a breakup
It is often after a break that the love addiction tends to be more felt.
In fact, you cannot imagine your future without this person you love, you let yourself be overwhelmed by your emotions, you do not think about yourself anymore and that inevitably prevents you from going forward.
There are two main explanations:
– The fear of staying alone;
– But also the fear that your ex will find someone else with whom he or she will flourish more.
Often, during months or years of relationship you are forgotten, the break is electroshock for you.
This often wakes up the abandonment syndrome that you may have experienced or the mistakes you made in the past that are happening again today.
You are therefore obsessed with your ex. Whether to forget or win back, you will have to push back this emotional dependence that leads you to adopt bad behaviors.
*** The emotional dependence of the single
Emotional dependence is often associated with married life because it is the most common.
Nevertheless, many of the people I accompany consider themselves to be emotionally dependent even though they are single.
In this situation, it is the patterns that are constantly being repeated and are linked to a lack of self-confidence.
You do not necessarily focus on one person but rather on the idea of the life of a couple.
Moreover, when you look for love you tend to want a relationship too perfect, too formatted to really find it. Therefore you stay in a negative spiral because in your eyes every encounter is the most beautiful.
You give everything right away and do not take the time to start the relationship gradually. And “this leads again and again to false starts.”
And the worst is that it is a vicious circle because the more the stress of staying single increases, the more you show dependency.
You must absolutely abandon this scheme by going against nature otherwise in 10 years you will always be at the same stage.
II – The 6 Main Signs of Emotional Dependence
It is important to know what the signs of sentimental dependence are so you know where you are.
If you recognize yourself in one of these signs, it is a priori less serious than if you recognize yourself in all!
1 – You Regularly Need to Hear from Him
One of the main signs of addiction is the fact of constantly needing to be in touch with each other.
Whether on social networks, SMS or through regular calls, you need to feel reassured even if it is only virtual.
2 – You Do Not Do Any Project Alone
Whether for an outing or planning the next vacation, you always include your partner and you do nothing without him/her.
It may sound like love, but when you totally forget to please yourself and think of yourself, it becomes more negative.
3 – He / She Misses You in a Very Short Time
Your darling leaves in the morning and you feel a lack a few hours later? He/she cannot spend an afternoon with his family without you feeling bad?
Do you feel bad when your partner spends time with his friends?
At this moment, one can really speak of sentimental dependence.
4 – The Fear He / She Leaves Is Always Present
One of the most common signs is the constant fear of seeing/going away because you do not feel up to it or are in constant competition.
To undergo a new rupture or a new emotional abandonment scares you and therefore you seek to avoid it. But, thinking so you create even more problems.
5 – You Think of the Negative Past
Not only are you afraid of seeing him / her leaving, but you also have memories of your childhood, previous relationships, a lack that you have known that are resurfacing and that inevitably affect your relationship.
It is this negative projection that blocks you and influences the present.
6 – In Love, You Never Say No!
For fear of conflict or fear of losing this relationship, you do not put limits. You do not want to or you cannot say “no” and impose yourself.
It’s a sign of dependency. Now you know the main signs, but you also need to take a closer look at emotional dependence and its causes.
III – The Three (3) Causes of Emotional Dependence
I assume that in order to solve a problem properly, it is necessary to know exactly where it comes from.
In this part, I wanted to open your eyes to the more specific causes that may cause you to say, “I am an emotional addict or an emotional dependent.”
It is, therefore, a question of studying in depth your emotions and your difficulties.
1 – the Role of the past to Cure One’s Emotional Dependence
Emotional dependence often finds its source in your past but has repercussions in your love relationships of the present.
And there are two explanations for that.
*** Your childhood and its impact on your life today
No one can deny the fact that if you have missed love, attention or tenderness in your youth, you will constantly feel the fear of being left or not being up to your current relationships.
Thus, you will constantly be looking for the approval of others, whether your half, your friends, your boss…
*** Your sentimental past
If you have experienced sentimental disappointment, adultery, betrayal or a relationship with a narcissistic perverse manipulator, your doubts will grow as a negative transfer takes place.
We often assimilate what we have lived before comparing it to what we live today, and yet we must be aware that each partner is different.
But this does not relieve anyone from doing work on oneself to overcome emotional dependence or romantic paranoia. The goal is to let go completely into one’s life as a couple and to put positive energy in an active way.
You will not be able to save your couple or control your emotions if you do not increase your personal confidence over time.
It is at this level that the link between personal development and love is joined.
“You must now stop looking in your rearview mirror”. Drop the painful stories that are years old and the disillusionment that accompanied these moments to focus only on the present moment and the future you would like to live. It’s time to make strong decisions. You no longer have to say, “I want to change but I never do it.”
Optimism is in order and with effective coaching by a professional you can take back your life.
2 – Is Love an Addiction?
Lack of self-confidence is often the source of emotional dependence. Like many people, do you constantly doubt your qualities and feel that you are not up to your partner?
And yet, if you are in a relationship today, it’s because he/she is aware of what you bring to him and wants to live a passionate story with you!
There is nothing more painful than feeling your partner doubting his faithfulness and that is why your behavior can lead to separation.
So I know what you are telling your partner to try to show him that you trust him. This sentence I have already heard hundreds of times in coaching with an emotionally dependent stresses Alexandre Cormont: “I trust you, it is the others who worried me.”
When you think about it, this sentence does not mean anything. To no longer pronounce it you must become aware of what you can bring to the other as well as your qualities. There is nothing worse than living with someone who is permanently devaluing themselves.
I, therefore, invite you to take back your personal life to no longer depending on the person you love.
The more you will be able to build independently of your partner and your couple and more will fight the dependency on each other effectively.
It will also increase your self-confidence and make your partner aware of it, which will heighten the passion in your relationship.
You will thus fight indirectly against the 3rd cause of emotional dependence!
3 – The Problems of Couple Provoke the Emotional Lack of Love
The third source that explains a strong emotional dependence concerns the problems inherent in your relationship.
When a relationship goes bad, a phenomenon occurs and causes a change in love behavior. It’s about the fear of losing the person we love …
In these conditions, it is difficult for you to turn conflicts into happy moments and you find yourself completely disarmed.
“The more you try to make things better, the more you feel your half going away.” The reason is simple, by doing so you go unnatural and suddenly you are no longer natural. The person you love does not recognize you.
In these conditions it is legitimate to ask these 3 questions:
– How to act effectively against addiction in love?
– How to (re) take control of your life as a couple?
– What reactions have to improve things gradually?
Rest assured, this is the subject of the next parts of this article. […]
But before inviting you to read them, I was anxious to tell you that all couples are going through difficult times.
“If you want to save your relationship it is necessary that you get to distance!” Contrary to what the majority of people think, taking distance is considered a real action that will allow you to refocus your ideas and take the right decisions according to the different situations.
If your couple goes through periods of tension, it’s your daily morale that is affected.
You then make an obsession but unfortunately, this is how you get bogged down in your mistakes. The very first step when you are in emotional dependence is to work on your self-control.
Here again, personal development is the solution.
IV – How to Manage Your Emotions and Reduce Your Love Addiction
Here, the coach Alexandre Cormont shares his coaching experiences. With thousands of hours of experience in coaching but also through the publication of books and training, he was able to detect a characteristic feature in all those who suffer from emotional dependence.
In spite of your efforts, you have the impression that a supernatural force prevents you from feeling good as soon as you are separated from the person you love, and your fears take over.
Very often, you are aware of your attitude but you miss the essential, namely the solutions to control your emotions and your negative thoughts.
To illustrate this phenomenon, I will repeat the sentence of a coachee: “My wife is my drug. When she’s not with me, I feel like I’m feeling absolutely uncontrollable. ”
It’s extreme, certainly. But even if you are not at this point, you should not hope to overcome a love addiction by simply reading an article, you must take action.
For this, there are 3 axes to take:
1 – Strength of Character to Fight Emotional Dependence
To all those who say that it is not easy to fight when you are an emotional addict, I will answer that you are absolutely right.
But it is also true that many people before you have already managed to get out of this infernal spiral.
The big difference lies in your strength of character.
– Will you be able to make efforts today so that tomorrow you feel better?
– Do you really want to get out of this impasse that makes you unhappy or unhappy?
– Are you ready to fight for your Love?
It is not given to everyone to control his emotions but each small action necessarily brings results over time and you will have to go through different stages in order to become the ideal partner!
2 – A Vision of Long-Term Love
With a long-term vision of the couple, you will be able to make a difference.
That, in order to bring a maximum of happiness in your relationship but also so that you never again feel these negative emotions to take the upper hand.
If you want to control your emotions, overcome your fears, avoid suffering, gain confidence in yourself … then you will have to implement a strategy over time with the intention of bringing maximum happiness to your spouse.
All the people I have coached can testify to something said Alexandre Cormont: if you apply the right actions over time, you will reap more and stronger results.
From then on you will find that he/she is also moving in the right direction and will take a step towards you. Tip: Do not be fooled by TV shows where it only takes a few minutes with a coach in love to make everything change. We want to show you an immediate change but it is not so simple, moreover, we never show the evolution of the relationship. If you think of getting away with a miracle solution, then you may be disappointed. It is your repeated efforts and your evolution that will be the key. Only at this price will you feel better.
3 – The Power of the Human Brain on Emotions
To take control of your emotions, you need to have a hold on your brain by sending positive signals. […].
V – Solutions to Get out of Emotional Dependence
You have surely understood but when we talk about emotional dependence, it is necessary to work on its personal reconstruction.
You are in a delicate situation where you place your partner on a pedestal and often you organize your life according to him or her.
To no longer be an emotional addict, I recommend you mainly to position yourself on a personal development axis so that you are able to become an improved version of yourself!
If you manage to balance your different lives (personal, sentimental, friendly, family and professional) then you will get a perfect everyday life!
1 – Overcoming Emotional Dependence Through One’s Schedule
When one wonders how to get out of emotional dependence, it is necessary to set goals in the short, medium and long term.
I invite you to create a special schedule with a medium-term vision (I recommend 2 to 3 months) to get out of your emotional dependence and regain full control of your evolution.
For several weeks, I will invite you to perform a challenge a day, to set up an action that helps you out of your addiction and that will allow you to focus solely on you! Remember to write it down carefully to follow your commitments and your results.
Tip: Even if you feel it’s difficult, you should not give up. In truth, “failure is not moving too slowly, it is giving up. Coach Alexandre Cormont.
2 – Learn Patience
Without a doubt, patience will be your best asset because you can not overcome a love addiction in the space of a week. It is a process that takes time.
Really take the time to clear missions with a change over several weeks to take into account your evolution and show your change.
Not only will you see improvements in your emotional dependent personality, but you will also be happier in your day-to-day life.
Do not try to go too fast because fighting a sentimental addiction is a process of personal development and you need to lay the right foundation to never make the same mistakes again.
3 – Open to Others!
Love addiction is a vicious circle that needs to be fought as soon as possible.
To get out of your phenomenon and the fear of losing the loved one, I recommend you take some time to re-socialize with all the people who brought you well-being before.
Never leave your close friends and family behind because it is necessary to have a good balance to be happy in your life.
So it’s time to schedule outings and activities with these people who matter. React right now!
4 – Start an Emotional Withdrawal
Of course, it should not be a strict emotional withdrawal but to no longer be dependent on someone, we must move away from this person.
So, your goal over the next few days must be to move away from your partner in a progressive way and to have activities on your side.
Do not send messages for a certain period of time or do not choke with your requests, for example. Since there are many types of sentimental addiction, there are different ways to fight. […].