The evil is gaining momentum. Humans do not stop hurting themselves. Injustice is committed. Disappointments, betrayals, outrages combine. Relationships between men are becoming weaker and weaker. Who has never harmed others? Who else has not hurt? In one way or another, each of us has been offended – or he has offended others. So there is forgiveness. Yes, everyone needs to be forgiven. How to forgive someone who has hurt you?
Forgiving someone who has hurt you or betrayed you is one of the hardest things to do. However, it is necessary to learn to forgive to rebuild one’s relationship with another person or simply to forget the past and move on. Manage your negative emotions, confront the person who hurt you and start moving forward in your life: That’s the answer to How to forgive someone.
It is this question of great importance that this blog proposes to answer. But, it will be particularly a question of approaching the problematic: how to manage your negative emotions to forgive someone?
Why do you have to deal with your negative emotions in order to forgive someone? What does this imply? Indeed, it is not only useful, but it is the first step to forgive someone.
1 – Be Aware That Your Anger Could Become Harmful.
It may be very difficult to forgive someone who has hurt you. Your first reaction may be to maintain your anger and to blame the person who caused you this pain. Although it is a natural response, it only causes you more pain and anger than the person who hurt you. That is why it is necessary to forgive, not for the other, but for yourself. ” To forgive others is, first of all, to do good to oneself. ”
Formerly, in His love for His people, God gave the same or similar advice: ” If you become angry, do not sin; let not the sun go down on your anger ” (Ephesians 4:26). God created the human spirit and He knew that resolving conflicts before going to sleep prevents the memories of the dispute from being engraved [in our memory]. The Bible contains many other principles and laws that, if followed, improve our lives and bring us great peace of mind. Anger is emotionally destructive and that is why God warns us: ” Do not hurry in your spirit to anger yourself, for irritation dwells in the bosom of fools ” (Ecclesiastes 7: 9).
Generally, when we keep anger long enough for someone who has wronged us, we risk as we access and force the grudge, the hate, the resentment: these emotions will become harmful for us.
Failure to accept someone’s forgiveness implies resentment towards the other person. Yet resentment can hurt your future relationships with others, cause depression and may even isolate you from others. Is not it necessary to forgive? ” To forgive is, therefore, a choice.”
2 – How to Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You?
Forgiveness requires a conscious and active decision to let go of negativity in order to move forward. It does not come naturally or easily. Forgiveness is something that requires effort. We are not always willing to forgive, which makes this act even more valuable.
The circumstances that require us to forgive others are many. Maybe they have disappointed us, maybe they have hurt us … But forgiving implies far more than we think. Still, it is worth noting that forgiving is above all a choice.
People often say that they cannot forgive the person who hurt them. They believe that it is impossible for them to go beyond feelings of hurt and betrayal. However, people cannot understand that forgiveness is a choice. When you choose to forgive the people who hurt you, you will benefit the most from this decision. Yes, forgiving someone has always been good and will remain so.
Some people do not know it, others know it: to forgive is a liberating act, very powerful, but also very difficult to perform; certainly difficult, but not impossible. What shall I say? Forgiving someone can be difficult but not impossible.
Once you have made the decision to forgive, then it will be easy for you to free your anger.
3 – Release Your Anger.
Let all the negative emotions you have against this person escape. Give yourself permission to cry, to punch in a punching ball, to go out into the wild and to scream or do anything that would help you let those negative emotions escape. If you do not, these emotions will simmer and cause much more pain.
Remember that you do not do it to relieve the conscience of others or to approve what they have done. You do it to give yourself a chance to heal and move on. We do more harm when we feed our anger at our offender. It may be that it would be necessary for you to step back to spend your anger.
4 – Take a Step Back.
Try to change your point of view by taking a step back and looking at the situation from an objective point of view. Did the other hurt you knowingly? Did not he have control of the situation? Did he try to apologize or arrange things with you? Try to take all variables into account and calmly analyze the situation. If you can try to understand why and how the situation happened there, it will be easier for you to forgive him.
Do you honestly ask how many times you have wronged someone and how many times you have been forgiven? Remember what you felt, both relief and appreciation for the person who forgave you. Sometimes it can be helpful to remember that we can hurt others as much as they can hurt us. So, you could put yourself in the other person’s shoes, and remember that forgiving someone is necessary.
If you ever resist letting go and forgiving again: Remember God’s forgiveness for you. How many times have you hurt God? How many times have you hurt others?
5 – Talk to Someone.
Talking with someone you trust can help you deal with your emotions and hear an objective point of view. As if to say what you have on the heart removed a weight that you were wearing. A friend, family member or therapist can lend you a listening ear and a shoulder to cry.
Even if you might be tempted to talk to the person you cannot forgive, wait until you are in a quiet place and think about how you feel. This will prevent you from attacking this person and further damaging your relationship. Sometimes you feel so sick because of the harm or the offense. The person has hurt you so much or so disappointed you that you cannot turn the page or overcome your injury. In this case, one of the things you have to do is discuss with someone who will guide you and give you good advice and also boost your morale and stabilize your emotions.
6 – Find a Positive Way to Express Yourself.
This will help you to express negative and destructive emotions and to solve your problems. Try to keep a journal or write letters, use creative methods like painting and poetry, listen to or compose music, run or dance. Does something that helps you relax and feel good.
By positively managing your problems, you will become more aware of the problems you face. It’s the key to recognizing and managing your negative emotions instead of simply ignoring them. When someone hurts you, it is certain that negative emotions could animate you, but it would be beneficial for you to find a positive way to express yourself. It’s a good way to manage your negative emotions to forgive someone.
7 – Take Inspiration from the Example of Others.
Read or listen to stories of people who have forgiven in circumstances much more difficult than yours. They can be spiritual leaders, therapists, family members, or just people who have written about their story. It can give you hope and determination.
8 – Give Yourself Time.
Forgiveness is not something that happens in a blink of an eye. It demands self-control, determination, compassion and above all, time. It’s something you can work on little by little every day. Remember that no one is coming to the end of their life thinking: I should have been angry with this person for all my life. In the end, love, empathy, and forgiveness are the things that matter most.
There is no optimal time to wait before forgiving someone. You could blame him for years, before realizing that you have to make peace with that person. Listen to what your instinct tells you.
Certainly, I agree that managing your negative emotions to forgive someone takes time. And that goes for each individual. But the advice I have to give you is to free you from the burden as soon as possible. We also remember that forgiving is a matter of choice.
As a Conclusion
So far we have tried to tell you how to manage your negative emotions to forgive someone. We remind you, this is the first step. And you have to start doing it. Do not be too long.
Here you have learned how to manage your negative emotions to forgive someone. But that’s all, you have to go to another step. If the management of your negative emotions is to overcome your anger and avoid hatred, grudge, resentment towards your offender – it may prove to be insufficient to forgive the person who hurt you. If so, you must seek to confront the person who hurt you. Yes, that too can be a door that will lead you to forgive that person.
It is in this sense that I ask you to read the following article: Confront your offender to achieve forgiveness.