How to avoid anger and aggression? Here is a question that deserves to be answered. Who has never been angry or has never been aggressive? Or, maybe you do not know what it’s like to be angry or aggressive?
Let’s have a look at this illustrative story. She was only 6 years old. Not looking at her age, when she’s having fits, no one wanted to be near her. It was scary and pitiful. The more she reacted that way, the more she suffered, which resulted in a vicious cycle of provocation, explosions of rage and more provocations. She was simply losing control and attacking classmates and teachers. Most of the time, she was gentle and introspective, which led teachers and trustees to suspect that she was expressing some of the hidden hurts or anger related to certain situations, possibly in her family. In addition, his father had not been to parents’ meetings with teachers for some time. In this case, what is anger? What is aggression?
Definition of Anger
In psychology, anger is considered as a secondary emotion related to a physical or mental injury, a lack, a frustration. This is usually characterized by a quick reaction that usually leads to physical or psychological manifestations on the part of the person concerned, which may, however, be contained or concealed.
According to some Greek philosophers, notably Aristotle, anger can make the person who expresses it suffer and can be considered as a passion.
If anger is a form of lawful expression of indignation against injustice, it is sometimes uncontrollable. Faced with an evil suffered, the angry person is not satisfied then to respond with equivalent harm, restoring a sort of order of equality law, but easily makes a hundred times the harm it has suffered. […] Anger, when it is blind and devastating, becomes a rage and generates fear. […]
Different Types of Anger
The state of anger can develop in four different modes:
– “Choked anger”: not declared, it manifests itself in a person who defines himself as incapable of getting angry.
– “Angry returned” or retro-reflected: not expressed, the person locks up his anger in it.
– “Thoughtful anger”: linked to a personal reflection, it is diverted by the person onto another object than the one that is linked to his anger.
– “Angry hypertrophy (fury)”: expressed in excess and disproportionate to reason, it can lead the person to commit violent acts.
Definition of Aggressiveness
Aggression is a modality of the behavior of living beings and particularly of the human being, who recognizes himself in actions where violence is dominant. Aggression can be expressed with regard to congeners (heteroagressivity) or with respect to other animals. But deviating from its primitive path, it can manifest itself against objects and even turn against itself (auto aggressivity), spring unconscious of certain suicides.
It takes forms as diverse as the different types of relationships within an ecosystem or culture.
Speaking of human aggression, often used metaphorically, the term “aggression” refers to physical or verbal violence manifested with hostile intent.
Anger and Aggression
Given her definitions of anger and aggression, you understand that Inora is not the only one affected by anger or aggression. Even though Inora was a kid, she knew that hatred, anger, and aggression did not bring her any benefit. However, they are strong, and many people do not know how to react to them, whether they are children or adults.
In fact, Inora is not only concerned with anger and aggression. As a result, people become bitter and pay for it for their own health, in addition to damaging their relationships.
Anger and hatred can occur occasionally, and as human feelings, it is not completely avoidable. However, when they exceed the level of being sporadic, they become reactions that cause devastation in the family, in society and in professional relationships.
Physical aggression is unacceptable in any human society and must be avoided.
It was found that Inora did not suffer physical aggression, but it was obvious that she suffered from a kind of lack of love. Something was not right at home. And according to, what about the causes of anger?
What Are the Possible Reasons for Anger?
The causes of anger are complex. Even scientists admit to not understanding it well. However, mental health professionals agree that we all respond to certain anger triggers.
An “anger trigger” may be something that upsets or annoys. It is often linked to injustice. It is sometimes due to vexation, such as insult or disrespect, or the feeling that our authority or reputation is under threat.
Obviously, the triggers of anger vary from person to person. Age, gender, and even culture come into play. The reactions to these triggers also vary. Some rarely get away and quickly overcome an affront, while others quickly take the fly and keep grudges days, weeks, months …
Internal Causes of Anger
Among the reasons that may lead to anger, some are internal. They are because they come from an irrational perception of reality. If you feel anger on the basis of these, you tend to blame an external cause (a person, an event …) when in fact the concern comes from your emotions. Difficult in this case to keep a cool head, is not it?
In fact, emotion is an important factor. Some people rely on their emotions to reason and systematically wrong everything that is contrary to their vision. If this is your case, you become furious and let anger and frustration overwhelm you when reality does not fit your expectations. You very often perceive normal situations as a threat to your needs and goals.
Basing your reasoning on your emotions, for example, you take what other people innocently tell you as an attack. That’s why anger invades you and you blame others when in fact you are the real problem.
External Causes of Anger
The causes of an excess or not of anger are of various kinds. Anger can be caused by many external factors. These are parameters on which you do not necessarily have control. They do not depend on you. You may feel angry when someone verbally abuses you. It is also possible that you get angry to defend your ideas, your opinions when they are attacked.
On the other hand, if you feel threatened in one way or another, anger may be your way of defending yourself. In short, you feel anger when you’re hurt in your own self-esteem or have a hard time reaching a goal that matters to you.
To understand his anger, we must also consider some parameters that may reduce the tolerance for frustration. These include stress, generalized anxiety, physical pain, drugs, and alcohol. These different factors are also considered as potential causes of anger because they can cause or amplify it.
Indeed, behind an excess of anger is often hidden dissatisfaction expressed through a particular emotion. If you want to identify the causes of anger, you should also look for feelings such as rage, revolt, contempt, jealousy, spite … These emotions are often generated by injuries such as treason, rejection, abandonment, humiliation, and injustice. To understand his anger is to identify these causes and find ways to evacuate them from his life. Otherwise, as long as the “why anger” question is not resolved, it will cause anger and frustration every time.
The internal and external causes of anger wisely lead us to the following question that we will answer in the following lines:
How Does Anger Affect the Irritated Person?
While in the past, having fun when one is angry was considered beneficial, it is clear today that the risks outweigh any benefit that could be gained from these bad habits. Compared to people who have peaceful habits, those who get angry usually face the following situations:
– They are four times more likely to suffer from coronary diseases.
– They run more risks of dying young.
– They feel guilt after explosive attitudes.
– Their relatives and friends avoid them because of their boiling temper.
– They have more conflict in their marital relationship.
– They are more likely to use harmful substances (cigarettes, alcohol, other drugs, etc.)
– They run an increased risk of overeating and gaining weight.
Before you get angry, think twice, because it’s possible to give up that behavior and avoid the damage.
Certainly so far in reading this article, you cannot help but wonder: how to avoid anger and aggression? It is rightly so that in the lines we offer suggestions to achieve this.
How to Avoid Anger and Aggression?
By observing oneself and adopting simple, calm and quiet hairs, one can control the urges of anger and aggression. Here are some suggestions.
1 – Consider the Real Importance of the Situation
Ask yourself; is the reason for my hate important? What would happen if things did not go the way I want? Is it worth spending so much adrenaline? Will I regret it if I lose my temper?
2 – Breathe Deeply and Calm Down
Did you know? Breathing relaxes us when we are in a critical situation that can lead to anger or aggression. When you get angry, breathe slowly and deeply. Give yourself instructions: “Calm down, nothing will happen! Master yourself, it will soon end. From Thomas Jefferson comes the famous saying: “When you are angry, count to ten before you speak. If you are angry, count to one hundred. ”
Here’s a precaution: never send an email when you’re angry. If you wish, you can write it but save it as a draft. Review the message several times and review. In short, never make decisions when you are angry.
3 – Try to Distract Yourself
Think about what caused your anger, it’s just throwing oil on the fire. Pray to God, asking for help to overcome the negative integers, and deal with an activity that occupies your activity until the anger is appeased.
4 – Choose the Right Solution
Avoid saying expressions like this to other people: “You are selfish.” “Your attitude towards me is always the same. “You do not care what I think. Try to express yourself with positive statements: “I would like you to try to do this in another way”. “I am saddened by this attitude. ” ” How may I help you? ”
Do not forget this precious advice: “If it is possible, as much as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.”
Know that you always have the opportunity to give up anger and aggression. The choice is yours. We do not heal with anger. We do not extinguish the fire by fire. What you have to do is opt for self-control.
The Bible advises us: “If you become angry, do not sin; let not the sun go down on your wrath “(Ephesians 4:26).
5 – Do Not Consider Your Opponent as an Enemy
When someone annoys you by their behavior or purpose, do not think that person is causing you. Think of other reasons and circumstances that explain this behavior. If the person really has good intentions, you will admit that she is unhappy and needs compassion.
In truth, “the real problem of hatred between men is because they do not understand each other. (Thomson Dablemond) Since there is no smoke without fire; in the same way, behind every action lies a possible explanation. Therefore, do not consider those who have offended you as an enemy, but try to understand them. Who knows? By doing so, you would know how to help that person.
6 – Practice Forgiveness
Forgiving does not mean losing the battle. An old Brazilian proverb says, “Forgive your executioner and you come out victorious”. Forgiveness produces calm, not only in you but also in the other person, who, in addition, will eventually respect you for your nobility and your generosity.
7 – Be Grateful
The Bible says, “Give thanks in all things, for it is to you the will of God in Christ Jesus. (1 Thessalonians 5:18). Research confirms that simply showing appreciation for something makes a person happy. Researchers at the University of California say that the constant practitioner of gratitude can improve health.
8 – Pray
The Bible also says, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthieu 5:44). Researchers have shown that if a person prays for the person who has offended, it avoids feeling and dispels negative thoughts.
In Conclusion: Test Yourself
To find out if you are inclined to anger, answer YES or NO to these questions:
(1) – Is it hard for you to forget the bad things that others do to you? :
(2) – When you do not agree with your friends, do you fall into a violent dispute? :
(3) – When you think of your opponent, do you have stomach pain and accelerated cardiac rhythms? :
(4) – Do you get angry when you have to wait in the queue? :
(5) – Do you get mad at yourself when you cannot control your emotions? :
(6) – Do you get angry when others are not punctual or do not really do the right thing? :
(7) – Do you tend to forget everything you say when you are angry? :
(8) – Have you noticed any adverse effects on your relationships because of your bad mood? :
(9) – After getting mad, do you feel a strong desire to eat, smoke or drink alcohol to make up for what has happened? :
(10) – Have you ever been angry to the point of hitting a person or object? :
• If you answered YES to eight or more questions, ask for help as soon as possible so you can control your anger. Your personal and professional relationships and your family are at great risk.
• If you answered YES to four to seven questions, this is a warning that your anger is near a dangerous level. Strive to develop patience and tolerance, and you will be able to live differently, keeping calm and composure. Observe others and learn how to get what you want through good manners.
• If you answered YES to three or fewer questions, you are well placed to deal with anger and hatred. Continue this way, because you are a hard person to upset.