Building self-esteem is like building a house; without solid foundations, everything you build will be unstable and will collapse with the slightest gust of wind. This is why these few steps will be useful to strengthen your self-esteem and regain your personal power. Or these few steps answer the question: How to improve self-esteem?
The book “Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem” is necessary reading for anyone with a personal or professional interest in self-esteem.
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Self-esteem is an internal state that is rooted in self-understanding, self-love, and self-acceptance.
Self-esteem does not change over time because it is only measured by ourselves, no matter what others may say or do. Thus, it does not change easily or quickly regardless of external events. However, if we give too much importance to our mistakes or difficulties, this self-esteem can wear out and deteriorate.
Having high self-esteem means that you accept what is good for you. That you feel deep within yourself that you deserve happiness, health, wealth, success, and love, no matter how difficult you are going through, no matter how disappointed you have been or how the opinion of others.
You accept what you are, with your faults, weaknesses, and limitations. You recognize your true value: yours as an individual here and now at this moment.
How to Improve Self-Esteem? – Step 1: Understand Oneself
The first step is to know yourself and understand yourself at a deeper level.
Imagine for a moment that everything that you have disappeared overnight. I mean really everything – your possessions, career, money, relationships, family, accomplishments, and all that is physical and tangible.
– What would I feel if everything I had was removed there suddenly, and I had nothing left but myself?
– What would I still have for myself that would have value?
This is an interesting scenario, yet very few people take the time to imagine it. It’s interesting because what you feel about yourself when everything has been taken away from you is your self-esteem.
If you have high self-esteem, then no matter what you take away, it will not change your perception of yourself. Moreover, it will not damage your self-confidence because you do not measure your worth according to external circumstances. Conversely, your value comes from within.
That’s why it’s very important to take some time to think about this last question and to answer honestly:
– What would remain to be of value if I were deprived of all that I have?
And the more you dig up the question, the more you will discover in yourself what is really valuable. And all these things you have discovered will be essential to build your self-esteem.
Now let’s dig deeper and ask more questions so that you can see yourself as you really are, without the masks you’ve built yourself. Ask yourself:
– What excites me the most, satisfies me, and fills me with joy in this world?
– What are the most important moments of my life that defined who I am today?
– How do others talk about me?
– How do others see me?
– What place do I occupy in the world?
– Who am I? Who am I not?
– Who are you and how do you see yourself are essential to understanding your value?
How others perceive and talk about you is important, of course, but what’s important in these questions is how you feel about yourself in response to what others see or say about you. It is also a way to measure your self-esteem.
With that, let’s take the time to assess your weaknesses and your difficulties. It is necessary to draw the most objective picture of yourself. Ask yourself:
– In which area do I have the most difficulty?
– In which area do I need the most improvement?
– What fears keep me from moving forward in my life?
– What emotions do I have trouble managing?
– What mistakes do I usually make?
– In which area do I tend to give up easily?
We all have weaknesses and areas in which we do not excel. It’s normal; we are not perfect beings. Nevertheless, you can already see how you could improve by looking more closely at these. Self-esteem is built with time and effort. Understanding how you work is the first step in this process.
Now let’s be honest and look at your strengths and skills. Ask yourself:
– What talents/skills do I have today?
– In which area am I really gifted?
Your strengths help you build your self-confidence; they help you continue to move forward with confidence. However, do not forget that your strengths and your abilities are to be evaluated only vis-à-vis yourself. It is not a real strength if you expect others to tell you that you are good at something. And letting others decide for you will never get you where you want to go.
In the future, it is possible that those flattered you will change their minds, so suddenly, your skills disappear overnight if you count on these people to evaluate your talents. The real strength comes from you alone, your personal power, and what you believe in yourself.
In a nutshell, to summarize this first step in how to improve self-esteem, it would be necessary to seek to know you better. Thus, you would be on your way to accepting yourself. Self-acceptance is the second step of how to develop your self-esteem.
How to Improve Self-Esteem? – Step 2: Accept Yourself
When you seek to know and understand yourself, you now have a fairly accurate picture of your level of self-esteem. You also understand how you perceive yourself in the world around you.
If you go back in your personal history, you surely have rather good memories, neutrals, and things you are not proud of. However, to strengthen your self-esteem, it must be real and authentic. Your image of yourself should not be a fantasy or an idealization of yourself. You must accept your deep nature, and that includes all your facets, good and bad.
Yes, you have flaws, made mistakes, and failed miserably from time to time. But you did everything you could in this situation and context, and all these experiences have made you who you are today. You, your deep self. All this is who you are.
Take the time to ask yourself this question and write down everything that comes your way:
– What do I blame myself for today?
Now, forgive yourself for everything you have done in the past and accept unconditionally without judgment or apology. Read this sentence aloud and take the time to understand it, to integrate it into yourself.
” I accept my good and bad things. I completely accept every part of my being, be it my faults, fears, bad behavior, and everything I’m not proud of. That’s what I am, and I’m at peace with that. ”
You have lifted the veil between what you thought you were and what you are: you have strengths and weaknesses. Accept yourself as you are and do not let others or society define who you are. Only in this way can you finally free yourself from all the balls that held you back and slowed you down for all these years.
You understand then that you must be the first person to accept yourself. Yes, this implies the personal acceptance of your weaknesses, strengths, flaws, and qualities …
Step 3: Love Yourself
Now that you have accepted yourself, it is time to recognize your real value. For that, it is important to love oneself. That is to say to treat you with kindness, tolerance, generosity, and compassion.
Yes, you have flaws, limitations, and weaknesses, like everyone else. This is human, and everyone has to face their own “demons” (imperfections). Do not cling to it; let go and appreciate what you are.
To feel this compassion, it is necessary to love oneself, for it is necessary to accept oneself, and it is possible only by understanding oneself. As you can see, we have just gone through the logical steps that lead us to this last point.
To love oneself is not innate, for it is necessary to take the habit of speaking to Self in a positive and pleasant way:
– I feel appreciated and special when …
– I love myself completely and fully despite …
– I am a dignified and capable person when …
Speaking of you in a healthy and positive way, you can refocus on your strengths and rediscover a huge treasure that was buried right under your nose. You are no longer dependent on the approval of others or their recognition. And this is one of the biggest steps you must take to continue to grow or develop your self-esteem.
Sometimes thinking of something negative puts you in a vicious circle that will then push you to bathe in negative actions. It can be smoking or drinking whenever bad news arrives, eating unhealthy food, going out with toxic people, or just watching drama on TV to drown your grief.
Concentrate on what makes you happy to break this vicious circle; just start with something slightly positive that will only take a few minutes, can be played at your favorite game, and is just enough to make you feel better. […]
Step 4: Be Responsible for Yourself
You now know that you can trust yourself and trust your ability to make decisions that will take you where you want to go.
You are not competing with others; you are alone in this adventure that is your life. Only in relation to yourself can you compare yourself, and the important thing is to give the best of yourself.
Do not put the bar too high; it is normal to make mistakes, even if you feel like the only person to do them. The important thing is to evaluate what you have done and to try to improve yourself and increase your chances of success the next time.
It is also interesting to take a closer look at some triggers that derail your day and make you dive into a negative spiral. This can be for example, when you meet people themselves very negative, who tell you their misfortune and literally empty by a long monologue with you; or when you meet insensitive or rude people. In this case, cutting off the bridge with these people and moving away as much as possible is necessary for your well-being and happiness in the long run.
In the same way, avoid magazines, commercials, or celebrities that promote a certain sense of perfection: theirs. That makes you think that you must look like them to be considered beautiful/beautiful, perfect, and accomplished as a person. You should know that marketing does not care about your personality or who you are; on the contrary, the more weaknesses or doubts you have, the more likely you are to buy their products to feel better about yourself.
A vicious trap makes you think you’re missing something deep inside of you, making you always addicted and frustrated daily.
To conclude, when events and people have no more grip on you, you finally take the reins of your life. You become responsible for everything that happens in you and the actions that flow from you. Your successes and failures are yours, as well as your achievements and your problems.
You make your own decisions, and there is no more excuse, judgment, or blame to distribute. You alone are responsible for the changes that are happening in your life, and that is what allows you to realize your dreams in reality.